drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She's the barista slut.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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