I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
