He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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