someone threw a dead crab at me
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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