the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
