Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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