I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
