I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
