Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
