Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This baby is an asshole
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
