I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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