Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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