Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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