Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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