I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
