we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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