uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
