maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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