I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
