i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
