i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
love makes seman taste better
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
