I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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