I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
