My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
