Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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