The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
