And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
