i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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