Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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