I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I love you. Go after that dick
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
