Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
40s are totally the cure
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
