You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
