about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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