The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
