you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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