Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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