i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
