i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
