I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
