God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
