Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
