we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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