corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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