I didn't shave. On purpose
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Are my feet made of real feet?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
