420 ftw
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
