i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
