I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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