This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
