Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
