they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
