Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
